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It is already mid-April- this year has already advanced past the first quarter so quickly. I haven’t written in a while; things have been hectic and unpredictable. My original plan has since acquired new levels of complexity. Woooooo!

 At this point in time it is clear to me that financially it is not feasible for me to go to Egypt by May as originally planned. I was hoping to leave for May 31^st, arrive there and teach English, as well as learn Arabic over the summer. My plan changed to staying here until August, so I can save up more money, take an Arabic course here instead, and then go there to teach English, already knowing their language a bit to be able to get around the city and navigate comfortably.

 The 3^rd metamorphosis of my plan now involves not going until the end of the year. So far, I have respected every step in my plan: I quit my previous job, which I didn’t feel fulfilled me and prepared me for what I wanted to become - a counselor and a teacher.  By the end of February, I decided it made no sense anymore to continue with something that didn’t really guide me towards the path I believe I am meant to follow. So I registered for my TESOL certification, to become an official teacher of English as a Second Language.

 All of March has been a blur. I had intensive classes every day. I learnt how to make lesson plans. I learnt techniques and methods of teaching. I learnt adjusting styles for various levels of English language. I learnt spontaneity. I learnt making material fun and engaging. I learnt how to teach, and taught 10-minute sequences as practice. By the end of the course I thought only of English, I spoke only of English, I dreamed only of English- phew!!

 The first week and a half of April consisted of my practicum- basically putting into practice all of the things we learnt during our TESOL class, but with real students in a classroom! The experience was amazing. I slept only 2, 3 hours a night, but every time I went into the classroom, I was pumped, and excited to teach! I passed my practicum with distinction. My practicum supervisor was so impressed- she said she rarely gives out the kind of high marks she gave me during the evaluation. She said “We give relatively high marks if we believe the person we evaluate is going above and beyond our expectations, and has high potential to become a teacher.  But Andra, you’re already a teacher. You’re already doing it. It’s not that you have the potential to become one- you already are one. I could leave right now and ask you to take care of my class, and you’d do a fantastic job. You wouldn’t need me there, because you can already do it on your own. That’s impressive, and you deserve it!”

  One thing lead to another: I had an interview on Monday (the 9^th), then my last day of practicum on Tuesday, and then Wednesday ILAC (the school at which I took the course and had the interview) called me in to go as a supply teacher. I was excited, and said yes, of course! Little did I know that right off the bat, I had an entire class waiting for me, which I would be teaching for the next two weeks! Wowie.

 So Wednesday I was all nerves and anxiety, because I had no lesson plans, didn’t know I was teaching a class for 5 hours straight, and that I’d be with this class for the next two weeks! I improvised though, on the moment. Introductions and “getting to know each other” was a bonus- we built rapport, talked a little about ourselves, what we liked to do, etc. Then I asked them to help me out so I could figure what the previous teacher did, where she left off, if they had homework, etc. We covered the homework, then worked on the outline of a typical argumentative essay, and then for the last period we engaged in a speaking activity, which resulted in a debate at the end of the class. All in all, it was successful. One student pulled me aside at the end of the day, because they knew it was my first day “officially” teaching, and said to me: “You know, I think you really did well. You are so dynamic and engaging, we don’t have time to get bored. I loved the class, don’t worry, you’re doing great.” I was touched.

 Thursday also went all right, but I also had my elective class to teach, Listening and Speaking, and I didn’t feel that went nearly as well. And that’s okay. The first couple of months it’s adjusting, learning, figuring out how things work, getting familiar with the books, the lesson outlines, the students. It’s a huge learning curve. I’m happy that I am very detail oriented, and I see right away if students aren’t really engaged; I can then think right then and there for activities to do that would spice up the class, or get everyone more involved. That’ll be key later down the line.

 I’m happy and excited at the prospect of teaching English. It’s going to be my main occupation for a while when I go to Egypt. For now, staying here over the summer, or possibly a bit longer than that will enable me to practice, and put my skills into action. Having that extra experience will give me an added edge when I arrive to Egypt, for I’ll already know how to work with the students, introduce the materials, and hopefully by then, also know some Arabic to get around the city and get along with people in conversation.

 So why did I decide to stay longer? Well… I didn’t really decide. After Mohamed came into my life at the beginning of the year, and we decided to develop our relationship together into something long-lasting and serious, it made sense to me to stay longer and wait for him. Then, we’ll go to Egypt together. I’ll be more prepared when the time comes to go to Egypt. I’ll have him as my support. I’ll know the language a little better. It’ll be easier to make connections with him alongside me, than if I just went now, and he joined me later. Plus, it doesn’t make much sense for him to be here with his own struggles, and for me to be there with my own struggles, while we’re in a relationship together. So I’ll wait a bit longer here with him, prepare better for when I leave, and then we’ll both head to Egypt together, when the time comes.

 In the meantime, my only concern is to get more savings. A lot of people resist the idea of me going to Egypt, for the obvious reason that Egypt right now is unstable and somewhat unsafe. I haven’t had many donations so far, but I think that’s also my fault for not really advertising as much as I would have wanted it to. Soon I will give it another shot, sending e-mails to friends, writing to all of the people on Facebook that I know, the groups that I belong to, etc. I need your help peeps! I’m not asking for fortunes. I think a 10 dollar donation is very reasonable and affordable for 90% of people, strangers, friends, family. It’s just persuading someone to give 10$ or more to a cause – my cause … that is the hard part.

 Still, I will continue to try, and spread the word! My dream is my dream, and I trust that people will contribute, over time. I don’t plan to give up on advertising, or on dreaming, anytime soon! I just wish people would understand that their donations make a huge difference in my life, and really mean the world to me. The kind of world I want to belong to, move to next, contribute to, and make a difference in return. I’ll make it. When the time is right, I know I will. For now I will just focus on getting my teaching in order, becoming familiar with all the methods I learnt, flexible in terms of learning how to teach different levels. Eventually I’ll go to grad school as well. But in the meantime, until I can do that, I need to save money, and focus on the smaller goals that will enable me to pursue my bigger goals, like getting my Masters at the American University in Cairo.

 I am glad, in a sense, my plan up to now has taken fruition, and I am slowly but surely taking the steps necessary as I had envisioned. I am also thankful that I was sent Mohamed, and was guided to wait, so I can better prepare myself for what’s to come. It is true… sometimes there is “our” plan, and then there is “The” plan. I am thankful for both. They both have taught me a lot thus far. I feel supported. I feel hopeful. I feel like despite the resistance, and the lack of finances, with hard work, help, and more continued support, I will succeed.

Blessings.

In November 2011, more specifically from the 5^th to the 15^th, I took a trip to Egypt that changed my life. I didn’t realize it then, but in retrospect, since I’ve returned, it has given me new meaning, new purpose, new direction. Sometimes as events, sometimes as lessons, having experienced the ways of a new culture, even if for a brief while, has impacted me on a personal and spiritual level.

Going to Egypt was a mind-opener for me. Not because I hadn’t been aware of the world I’ve been living in previously, but because I finally found the courage to break away from it. It took a lot of reflection, a lot of thought, and a lot of inner transformation for me to reach the conclusions I’ve reached, and to finally step out, and not be afraid to close doors so I can enable others to open for me.

First of all, being in Egypt taught me a lesson in humility. The lifestyle there is so simple and unencumbered. The people there are so humble and happy. They walk the streets with their baskets of fruit, pulling on their donkey or horse, selling scarves and other things. They spend their time bargaining, playing backgammon in cafes, reading the news. They are incredibly friendly, and put high value on their daily interactions with others. Sociability and human interaction are something they do so naturally. They could pick up a conversation with anybody.  The rhythm of life is relaxed, paced. There is time affluence vs. material affluence. People aren’t out and about to work-work-work. The way time is spent there is very different. The “little moments” are appreciated. There is time for friends and family. There is time to relax. There is time to do the things people like to do.

As a quick and funny accolade from my personal blog, just so you have an idea for the next point I’m about to make —— J “The next few months will be busy packing, re-organizing, re-arranging, moving all my crappola from one place to the other. That makes….how many moves since last year?   I likely don’t have enough fingers to count anymore. My parents must think I’m crazy. Maybe I am. A little. *smirk*. “When the hell are you gonna stop moving? Don’t you get tired of lugging your stuff around to the next place, over and over again?” “NOPE. Not a problem mom.” “Arggghhhhhhh, you’re beyond hope.” “Nope, I’m Hopeful that the next place will have something else of value to teach me. Can’t stand still mom, you know that.” “Yeah, do I EVER!” Teehee. And my dad sits quiet, doesn’t say a thing, and even if he doesn’t agree, he accepts any decision I take, because he loves me no matter where I go, no matter what I do, and no matter the gazillion times I move. And so does my mom, she just likes to give me a hard time about it.  When I’ll find what I’m looking for, I’ll stop moving. Until now, I haven’t come across it. So I’ll just keep doing what I do best. Move. Change. Learn. Grow ”

Soooooo, I happen to have a history of moving a lot. Why do I do it so often? It’s a way to test myself. It’s a way to shed away and break the old molds, and work towards something new. It tests my resilience, my ability to be independent and self-sufficient. It tests my resolve to not only survive, but thrive. It teaches me to leave material things behind each time- that’s how I know that I am not attached to my material possessions. It teaches me ways of living in different cities. Ways of meeting people. It teaches me patience and accommodation, assimilation and becoming part of something else. It teaches me belonging. It also teaches me how to let go, seize new opportunities. It teaches me sacrifice. Every experience I’ve had moving from place to place, and city to city, has taught me different lessons. I’ve come to love and appreciate each and every one of them. I’ve become academically knowledgeable and combatted my shyness by changing schools so many times. I’ve become strong and resilient as a result of moving so much. I’ve become street smart and I’ve learnt how to budget by striving to be independent.

What I haven’t yet accomplished, however, is moving to a different country on my own. I have moved from Romania to Canada with my parents. I have traveled around the world in 30 different countries in my lifetime of 25 years. I like new things. I like new experiences. I like new places, and Egypt and its people speak to me. It feels like the right thing to do next.

Second of all, being in Egypt taught me a lesson in spirituality. There is something about stepping foot in that country that raises my hairs all up the curve of my spine, and to the nape of my neck, where I often feel a tingle- there is a presence of spirit there, the divine is present. There is some energy that permeates the place, that soaks it with this quality of mystery, of unknown, yet… it’s a comforting unknown. Alas, how can one comprehend, and how can I explain the feelings and sensations that I, and only I with my own body and spirit experienced, and allow someone else to comprehend what that’s like…

  Words do not…cannot transcend experience, but I will try. It’s absolutely undeniable that there is a certain vibration that piques at the interest of many. Many have come to see, many have sought to explore, and many have felt drawn to Egypt for the multitude of reasons that the country is mysterious, that the people of Ancient Egypt have left a legacy behind to be discovered, and the civilization’s principles and values were a combination of art, astrological, philosophical, cultural and scientific practices that to this day we have trouble comprehending fully, because we are no longer cross-disciplined and interlinked in our cultural and intellectual ways. On top of this foundation of disciplines rested the true mystery, that of a spirituality and devotion to the divine that we almost in vain try to decipher through hieroglyphs and cartouches, and multitudinous depictions of a pantheon of deities of divine substance that the ancient Egyptians devotedly worshipped.

Monuments and temples are scattered throughout the Egyptian land.  During my 10-day travels I haven’t been able to see them all, or to explore even the ones I got the chance to see to their full extent. In some temples we were able to perform some rituals, but always carefully, and attempting to do so without the guards looking at us suspiciously. Everything is carefully guarded. Even so, if you take a moment to close your eyes, focus your intent inwards, become aware of your breathing, of your bodily sensations, of your feelings and sentiments as you listen and connect to that place, the experience really does transcend your abilities to explain it. There have been instances like at the temple of Kom Ombo or Dendara that tears simply started burning trails down my cheeks. I couldn’t explain it. They just came. I allowed them their space. Perhaps a cleansing. Perhaps a connectedness to the place. Perhaps a touch of the divine, to reveal to me that I should listen to my intuition. There was no denying it. And it’s not about esotericism, and it’s not about occultism, and it’s not about mysticism or psychological illness or emotional imbalance.

It’s about a connectedness that I felt to the place, a calling that I yearned for, unknowingly. It’s about a deep appreciation for a Universal plan that I am part of, but know so little. Yet I can feel, I can listen to it, and in being guided by it, there is spiritual essence and attainment in that. I became used to that feeling every time I walked into a new temple. I tried connecting to the deities who governed it. I tried feeling my way through. Talking my way through. Thinking my way through. It’s easy to get carried away, because you take a minute to “just be”. And in that moment of being, you are so overcome by the feeling that you just ARE, that you are ALIVE, that you can breathe and be animated and enjoy the simple act of LIVING for that very moment without thoughts and worries and fear and worldly oppression and concerns, it’s dumbfounding.

And yet it’s so simple.

Take that second. Connect. Experience. Feel. Learn.

And in that second, it was so easy to let those tears fall, because they were tears of joy, of knowingness that I found the divine in me, that if only we could listen and do this simple exercise throughout our daily routine, life could be so much different than the one we know and are faced with. It was only after a full month had passed since I returned from Egypt, that upon going back to these feelings of connectedness, and analyzing my feelings of unhappiness and detachment with my current world, I decided to commit myself to a new level of spiritual purpose.

Many factors led to that. Part of it was Egypt. Part of it was the places I visited and the energy at work there. Part of it was the people I met along the way. Most notable are two healers. Adel (the healer that I met in Luxor) worked with essential oils and chanting while in trance. He was able to pin-point energetic blocks as well as clear and balance chakras through traditional healing methods. The other healer, Ana, was part of our tour group. She is a reconnective healing practitioner, and we worked together over two sessions to reconnect my energetic centers and bring them into sync with Earth’s energetic centers (of which the Pyramids are said to be one of them). I was also introduced to Soul Body Fusion during the trip.  I know, for some, this might be too hard to swallow, but these were my experiences there, and in order to understand my quest for going back there, one must understand that such different experiences are part of what fuels my desire to return and experience something similar. I felt in harmony again.

It took me less than a week after my return from Egypt to realize how easily my lifestyle threw me out of balance again. My friends and colleagues from work worried about me. My supervisor jokingly asked: “Andra, what is wrong, did you forget your spirit in Egypt and long to go back to reclaim it?” She wasn’t far off in her attempt to cheer me up, because that was indeed how I felt. I needed to go back. Not to reclaim my spirit, but to re-connect to that part of me that I left there back in November.

Third of all, being in Egypt taught me a lesson in world perspective. Since my return, my entire perspective on global matters and issues has changed. I gained courage watching the streets of Cairo. I was lucky enough that during my stay there, we were not privy to any protests or violence. I never cared much for economy and politics before. I chose ignorance in the face of these 2 topics for the longest time. Since my return, I have actively researched all of the global unrest that is happening right now. Not just in the Arab World, but also in Europe, as well as the American continent, with movements like Occupy Wall Street. I started caring for political activism, and took part in protests. I sought out strength from all those videos I looked at, in which heroic people stood in front of brutal authorities to show the world that injustice will fall —- and a lot of the movements happening at the moment are all about defacing the carefully laid out masquerades that normal people have been blinded to. People are waking up. People are starting to question. People are starting to see. I too, have awoken. I too, choose not to be ignorant towards my freedom and my right to a just life. And I too, have realized that while my circumstances aren’t so bad, there is a need for me to fight for the circumstances of others. I’ve always felt I’m here to service, to help, to facilitate. Philanthropy is my biggest value. Since I came back from Egypt, I have become empowered to honor it THAT much more.

I refuse to care it’s 5 AM and I’m up reading articles when I have to go to work at 8 AM. I refuse to listen when people judge me as crazy for wanting to go to Egypt during these trying times. Yes, I am also known for being incredibly stubborn once I get an idea in my head. The difference here is I feel this with all my heart.

The simplicity and courage of the Egyptian people have given me a way to connect to humanity in its simplest forms. It has allowed me to rethink a plan of action, and redirect my life in a different direction. It’s teaching me that making a difference is more important to me than ever before, and where I am in my life currently, I am not making enough of one.

I want to be a modern pioneer and break the maintenance chains of the status quo. To do that, I need to gain more political awareness and understanding. I need more academic resources to follow my career path in understanding what achieving and maintaining psychosocial wellbeing means in this culture and others. I need more courage, strength of character and willingness to speak up. I need to become acquainted with the proper spiritual ways that allow me to live out of love, not out of fear. These are just a few of the many aspects in my life I started questioning since I came back. I know there are lessons for me to learn in Egypt. Profound, life changing ones. And for that, and for the betterment, enlightenment  and growth of my own self, I am fighting my fight, to make my dreams come true. Because my dreams matter, and I don’t want to waste a second. It’s time to energize them.